Till We Meet Again My Baby Girls

My heart hurts so bad, I'm Broken, I'm Numb, and I'm mad. I just don't know what to say and have no words. Our day begins early Tuesday Morning March 2, 2010. What i thought was just another one of my UTI or bladder infection. I got up gave Z a kiss and Hudson a kiss told them not to worry about going with me and was on my way to the Dr. This was the first time that Z has not been with me the whole two years we were pregnant and trying to get pregnant. This is really hard to talk about as I'm sitting here crying trying to talk about but Ive keep it in to long. I have been having allot of pressure on my belly the past few weeks and just thought it was the girls laying on stuff. I meet with the Dr and had to go to the bathroom so they could check my urine. Well I couldn't go for some reason I tried and tried. Finally I said I cant go for some reason she said that's OK maybe after the Dr sees you we can try again. So I get in the room tell him whats been going on and he decides to check me, he looks up at me and tells me to cough and then asks if i have had any contractions. He jumped up with tears in his eyes (remember were like family he has been with us for 2 years and delivered Hudson for us) He said my cervix was thinning I was to go across to the High Risk Doctor for an ultra Sound. By the time I got there my contractions we 4 min apart I was freaking out. We got the ultra sound done and I was having Identical Twin Girls. I was told that the babies had TTTS (Twin-to-twin transfusion) I was already in stage 2. I called Z and told him to get to the hospital fast there wasn't much time. The High Risk Dr came in and explained what his and my Dr plan of action was Z should up at the u/s and we discussed our options. Here they are, My Dr was going to try to stop my contractions, then they were going to drain the amniotic fluid from baby a, (I was having so much pressure because baby A weighed 12oz and on top of that I had 1lb of fluid around baby A) then if that worked my Dr was going to sow my cervix or stitch it up then if that worked they were going to watch me for a few days and then it was off to one of the few cities that did the laser surgery. Back to my story we took one step at a time. They admitted us to L&D and started giving me every medicine they had to try to stop the contractions, they propped the bed back to where my head was almost on the floor to try to get the pressure off my cervix. About an hour later I was at 6 cm. All the meds made me sick I started to throw up and then my water broke as I was crying trying not to deliver my little girls at 20 weeks was to late. At 4:43 pm our little Mallory Grace was brought into this world she weighed 11 oz and was 11in. they wrapped her up and put her in my arms as I was holding Mallory, I was told my other baby girl was on her way and they told me to push by 4:53 pm Our Mary Grace was born 9oz and 10in. It all happened so fast i was in total shock. The nurse told Z and I to hold our baby girls. Even though Mallory and Mary were born so early they were still alive and Z and I got to spend about 45 min with our girls. It was the most hardest thing we have ever been through but we cherished every min with them. Mallory reached for my finger with her tiny hand and grabbed on that broke my heart. As Z and I lay in bed with our baby girls we just cried there was nothing they could do we felt so helpless. Around 6pm we had the Chaplin come in and Baptise the girls he did it such a special way. He took my tear and put it on Mallory's forehead and then he took Z tear and did the same for Mary. It was very special. All this happened so fast.

After L&D we headed up to our room and just cried it didn't seem real. it was to soon and it was not supposed to happen this way. I got discharged the next day and then it was off to make arrangements for the girls. We wanted them to have a Funeral because they were alive and they are apart of our family. We made arrangements I wont go into big details about that this story alone was hard enough to talk about. ill leave that for another day. I don't know where Ill be after this or even if Ill still be blogging Its going to take time to heal. I'm broken and our family has been threw so much Zach and I would have never thought we would have had to bury our two sweet baby girls at 27 years old. We have honestly been through it all. i might have left a few details out of the Birth Story but its been a long hard week. Till we meet again my baby girls. Mallory Grace and Mary Grace you will be truly missed by your mommy,daddy, and Baby Hudson. You will truly be missed.