Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What Ifs and What I Miss

This is something I fill like I need to say,

What Ifs:
I would have listened to my body more closely
I would have not just brushed of my Braxton Hicks Contractions As just normal
I would have went in a few days earlier they could have stoped my contractions
I would have know that something just wasn't right
It just saddens me
I would have been so pushy with my pregnancy and demand for them to watch me more

What I Miss:
Looking down at my belly and not seeing or feeling my baby girls in my belly
I would give anything to have my morning sickness back
My sleepless nights
Not being able to breath
Being in pain when I walk
And what really really blows right now is having my milk come in and no baby girls to nurse

Were just taking it day by day, I bought a book called Empty Arms today and I plan on reading it soon, It has really been a big thing of posting the girls birth story on here. I was trying to avoid telling everyone on the blog because it was so easy just to ignore it and not say anything, this was the first step to my healing process. I have decided to keep blogging Z thinks it will be good for me, Hes my rock and has been so strong for me, for us and I thank god everyday for him being in my life, So I'm keeping the blog the worst thing is going to be when I have to change the format, the pictures, the heading. That's going to be hard I'm just not ready yet, the blog will be about new journeys, my family, and my precious baby boy Hudson on planing a first Birthday party and Me and Z planing our next step to starting our family again in the late fall. Giving my body and our hearts time to heal.

"Our Girls Together Forever"

I wanted to tell you I Love You
I find it so hard to believe.
You lives ended much to soon.
How can it be I'll never be able to
touch you beautiful little faces.
With the joy you will bring,
There will be no tears in Heaven.
Baby Girls I will always love you.
You will always be in my heart.

RIP Mallory Grace & Mary Grace
Love Mommy,Daddy, and Hudson(Big Brother)
I just wanted to say thank you all for the prayers for me and my family during this hard time in our lives. Its amazing what the power of prayer can do, and your comments thanks again.


  1. Oh Kristin, it breaks my heart to read this; but you are so strong to keep moving forward. You & your family is so strong. I don't know how you do it. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. It was in God's plan, as hard as that my be to accept.

    You and your sweet family have been in my thoughts & prayers constantly.

  2. I am sitting here in tears knowing that no words will take away your pain & hurt......I will keep you all in my thoughts & prayers!!

  3. I cannot imagine what you and your body must be going through! You have been in my thoughts and prayers! Please let me know if I can do anything for you or if I can pray for something specific for you.

  4. I am so sorry to hear about your loss :(