Monday, March 8, 2010

Till We Meet Again My Baby Girls

My heart hurts so bad, I'm Broken, I'm Numb, and I'm mad. I just don't know what to say and have no words. Our day begins early Tuesday Morning March 2, 2010. What i thought was just another one of my UTI or bladder infection. I got up gave Z a kiss and Hudson a kiss told them not to worry about going with me and was on my way to the Dr. This was the first time that Z has not been with me the whole two years we were pregnant and trying to get pregnant. This is really hard to talk about as I'm sitting here crying trying to talk about but Ive keep it in to long. I have been having allot of pressure on my belly the past few weeks and just thought it was the girls laying on stuff. I meet with the Dr and had to go to the bathroom so they could check my urine. Well I couldn't go for some reason I tried and tried. Finally I said I cant go for some reason she said that's OK maybe after the Dr sees you we can try again. So I get in the room tell him whats been going on and he decides to check me, he looks up at me and tells me to cough and then asks if i have had any contractions. He jumped up with tears in his eyes (remember were like family he has been with us for 2 years and delivered Hudson for us) He said my cervix was thinning I was to go across to the High Risk Doctor for an ultra Sound. By the time I got there my contractions we 4 min apart I was freaking out. We got the ultra sound done and I was having Identical Twin Girls. I was told that the babies had TTTS (Twin-to-twin transfusion) I was already in stage 2. I called Z and told him to get to the hospital fast there wasn't much time. The High Risk Dr came in and explained what his and my Dr plan of action was Z should up at the u/s and we discussed our options. Here they are, My Dr was going to try to stop my contractions, then they were going to drain the amniotic fluid from baby a, (I was having so much pressure because baby A weighed 12oz and on top of that I had 1lb of fluid around baby A) then if that worked my Dr was going to sow my cervix or stitch it up then if that worked they were going to watch me for a few days and then it was off to one of the few cities that did the laser surgery. Back to my story we took one step at a time. They admitted us to L&D and started giving me every medicine they had to try to stop the contractions, they propped the bed back to where my head was almost on the floor to try to get the pressure off my cervix. About an hour later I was at 6 cm. All the meds made me sick I started to throw up and then my water broke as I was crying trying not to deliver my little girls at 20 weeks was to late. At 4:43 pm our little Mallory Grace was brought into this world she weighed 11 oz and was 11in. they wrapped her up and put her in my arms as I was holding Mallory, I was told my other baby girl was on her way and they told me to push by 4:53 pm Our Mary Grace was born 9oz and 10in. It all happened so fast i was in total shock. The nurse told Z and I to hold our baby girls. Even though Mallory and Mary were born so early they were still alive and Z and I got to spend about 45 min with our girls. It was the most hardest thing we have ever been through but we cherished every min with them. Mallory reached for my finger with her tiny hand and grabbed on that broke my heart. As Z and I lay in bed with our baby girls we just cried there was nothing they could do we felt so helpless. Around 6pm we had the Chaplin come in and Baptise the girls he did it such a special way. He took my tear and put it on Mallory's forehead and then he took Z tear and did the same for Mary. It was very special. All this happened so fast.

After L&D we headed up to our room and just cried it didn't seem real. it was to soon and it was not supposed to happen this way. I got discharged the next day and then it was off to make arrangements for the girls. We wanted them to have a Funeral because they were alive and they are apart of our family. We made arrangements I wont go into big details about that this story alone was hard enough to talk about. ill leave that for another day. I don't know where Ill be after this or even if Ill still be blogging Its going to take time to heal. I'm broken and our family has been threw so much Zach and I would have never thought we would have had to bury our two sweet baby girls at 27 years old. We have honestly been through it all. i might have left a few details out of the Birth Story but its been a long hard week. Till we meet again my baby girls. Mallory Grace and Mary Grace you will be truly missed by your mommy,daddy, and Baby Hudson. You will truly be missed.

18 comments:

  1. I'm so very, very sorry to hear about your losses. Your family is in my prayers.

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  2. I am so incredibly sorry. Words cannot express how my heart breaks for you. You will be in my prayers, and I pray for healing, peace and understanding for you and your family.

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  3. I am so very sorry that you and your husband have to go through this. It's heartbreaking to read these words because no one should have to endure that kind of pain. You are all in my prayers.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss and heartache.Your family is in my prayers.

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family. ::HUGS::

    God will take care of your little girls up in Heaven, and you will get to be with them again someday.

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  6. Wow. I honestly cannot express the amount of pain I feel for you and your family. No one deserves to go through this & am SO incredibly sorry this happened to you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers.

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  7. I am so incredibly sorry to hear your news. You and your family are in my prayers. God Bless sweet Mallory and Mary.

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  8. (((HUGS))) Thoughts and Prayers are with you

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  9. You are an incredibly strong woman and I look up to you and your husbands strengths. You are in my heart and prayers. Time heals all.

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  10. Oh no no no no. I am so so sorry sweetheart. My heart is broken for you and your family. I don't know what to say. I will be praying for you and thinking about you. Mallory and Mary are in heaven now.

    My email is ourgrowinggarden@gmail if you need ANYTHING at all, please don't hesitate.

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  11. I am so sorry & my heart is breaking for you & your family......I am just so sorry!!

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  12. I know that words can't do much for you right now, but I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious daughters. I will be praying for you and your family.

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  13. I am so sorry to hear about your loss - you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  14. Thank you to you all who has left something and who are praying for my family.

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  15. ...still thinking of you today. (((hugs)))

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  16. Kristin!!! OMG! I am just now reading this for the first time and in total shock!!! I know your heart hurts and I know you have so many questions-but God has a plan for those little girls. I can not imagine what you are going through but know I am praying for you! OH I am so sorry!

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  17. I am so incredibly sorry for your losses...I am heartbroken for you. You are in my prayers xxxooo Nan

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  18. I am just reading this for the first time. It makes me want to hold my sweet baby girl a little tighter tomorrow. I'm sure there is not a day that you do not think about your precious girls. You will see them again in heaven.

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